Currently, I am just ready to QUIT.
I am unsure of the path I am on right now. Where it is leading or even if I am facing the right way? Every day feels like I am stuck in an endless cycle of questions without answers. Problems without solutions. And to be quite frank, like there is no way out or end.
Ever been there?
I know there is still hope. This season won’t last forever. That there is a plan and a hope and a future. However, I can’t feel it. I can’t find it or grab a hold of it.
When I asked God 6 months ago about continuing this blog I felt the strong push to persevere. I am pretty sure I have failed miserably at this. I have lost all drive to continue, all motivation and desire to continue.
So why am I writing this today?
Honestly, I don’t know. Other than the fact I have come to a place I MUST do something different. I can not continue in this place. I must choose to continue in something in life and persevere or quit altogether.
I hate writing depressing stuff. I hate writing stuff without answers. And I have none right now.
Except to Persevere.
In frustration at not knowing what to do yesterday I decided instead of turning to the land of google for answers to questions that I did not even know what to search for, I decided to open my Bible app and just keep reading there.
It is often thought of as cliché to go to God’s Word for answers, but I know He answers and I haven’t been seeking there. I HAD to try something different.
I clicked randomly through the app and landed in 1st John. I read it and nothing. So I just kept reading. Second and 3rd John, Jude and half of Revelation.
There was no light bulb moment. No real clarity and nothing to speak of. I was kind of disappointed and honestly Revelation is a TOUGH book to read. However, I decided to keep reading today all the way to the end of Revelation.
Still no light bulb. Still no clue what to do.
Yet, as I sat here frustrated at not being able to complete the task I wanted to and desperately in need of doing something, I decided to write. If for no other reason than something to keep me from screaming!
Perseverance was the only thing that has come to mind.
To just keep going. But as I have typed this out this is what I have realized. This is what God has said to His people. Over and over again … just keep following Him. Stay faithful to the end.
Revelation is very clear on this. In the midst of the Great Wraths and Tribulations, of which there are many, over and over again John is shown those who remained faithful. They are clothed in white, given gifts, and ultimately the right to be with and rule with Christ.
Jesus spoke to several of the 7 Churches praising them for their perseverance in the light of persecution and sin. He tells each to remain strong.
I am coming soon. Hold on to what you have, so that no one will take your crown. The one who is victorious I will make a pillar in the temple of my God. Never again will they leave it. I will write on them the name of the city of my God, the New Jerusalem, which is coming down out of heaven from my God; and I will also write on them my new name. — Jesus, Revelation 3:11-12
I don’t know about you, but reading Revelation tells me I do not want to quit.
We can see where things are going – and it is not good for those who choose the easier path. Quitting often seems like the best or only option, but in light of eternity our present struggles are nothing.
I could really use some prayers in this season of my life. Part of the reason I have “clammed up” in writing lately is I am afraid to share my current journey. However, maybe that is the one thing keeping me stuck in this spot I am in.
For now my job is to persevere and keep seeking Him and to be obedient to the call He has given me.
Truthfully, this is everyone’s job … especially when all we want to do is quit.
Prayers for wisdom,
(Note: I am publishing this a few weeks later than I wrote it. Things are still challenging, in some ways more so, but God is leading and continuing to tell me to persevere – He’s telling you to do so as well, wherever you are!)